Happy Fat Children and Protein Enhancers 
By Tom Duckworth 

Read the full text below or download the PDF.

Download in various ebook formats from Smashwords, iBooks, Barnes and Noble and Sony Reader Store.  Also available at Google Books.  

SmashwordsiBooksBarnes and Noble

Sony Reader Store

Google Books


Published by Philistine Press, 2010

All poems © Tom Duckworth 





N.Y.C. con                                                         

Cut-out hero                                                      

End tune                                                           

The plane went Bang!                                         

The playful distractions of the mind                              

Happy fat children                                              

Rectal squelch                                                   

If I were a tree                                                  

Halve thy sons                                                   


Original text       



Dear Reader,


In many ways the poems you will read in this collection are gibberish nonsense! A rabble of words strung together to make vague sense with the hope that you will find some meaning out of the background dribble. Thinking positive though, I have tried my very best to piece together something thought provoking that I hope will also satisfy the urges of any literate OCD suffers. To tell the truth I often look through this work and rather than poems, I see mathematical problems to which I have found a particular solution for.


Originally, I was going to call this book ¡®poems not written by me¡¯ because many of them are anagrams or a selection of ¡®other people¡¯s words¡¯ arranged in such a way they have a new sense of direction.


It is certainly a wild adventure writing a poem where boundaries are in place and I often find there is no of knowing where it will take you until the very last letter is in place. It can certainly be challenging but in some ways having limitations helps me; to portray one's most untamed imagination through words, for me, would be an impossible challenge and I envy people who can write with such unrestricted brilliance and beauty.


I hope you enjoy my book.





PS) I am very fond of the game Scrabble.





N.Y.C. con

House is near,

lost in traffic layers

ceased in gear

O, this dreaded rush.

Busses plod,

taxis go, alloys steer





Cut-out hero


The queen stares! Across checked land,

Religious service rechristened at her side


Castles, limbs of stone, advance

soon shatter to ruled ruins


Sixteen hooves fight,

clash, rider spirit fiery


Royalty rooting sacrifice,

cop out & plot over coco



End tune


A fly gaped, size of me bewildering,

He smiled too,

insecticide immune




Um … gutted


The plane went Bang! pvff cLK


:               Mourn, is lost to pebbled sands or oceans deep unknown


:               No! Unhorse that pilot and may his piffle be dethron’d,

judge me not as thine enemy,

for I fend hopes jaws of pity so my kings face doth awak’n

our reap’r, aground.

The playful distractions of the mind


To swim or not to swim

Is that the question?

If it is I suppose the answer would be a ‘yes’ - So not to drown

Only an island insight now,

Not my idea of an ideal getaway

But still, it is rather peaceful.


Why is it this question that possesses my thoughts anyway?

Memories of a not so distant high school no doubt.

English with William,

How I miss your majestic free flowing prose now – ha, yeah right.


Come on! Focus


The answer is still ‘yes’ - so not to drown.


If I were an English Renaissance villager,

A mere peasant amongst nobles,

It is without question I’d be suspected of witchcraft one of these days.

Perhaps for my measly education providing me with, for the time period, extensive knowledge of science ‘n that.

You’d have to atone that this becomes a very different question if on trial for Satanism.

They say a true witch would float, when immersed in a river or lake

But if your soul was pure, a true Christian, you’d sink yourself like a stone.

So would I swim? - They’d probably burn me at the stake if I did.


Butterfly! Now there’s a crazy swimming stroke.

The last time I saw a guy doing butterfly

he accidentally hit a kid in the face.

Oh it was hilarious – the kid was fine of course, except for a minor teary eyed nose bleed.

He was a rather handsome chap come to think of it.


I made it to the shore.

Avoided being eaten by a shark, so that’s good.

Survived the blur of watching shoals, 
Constantly surfacing to pinch at all the fleshy parts,  of gruesome, dishevelled bodies.
Once, they were simply remnants of the other crash victims minding their own business, bobbing the ocean ceiling without a care in the world.

They had no ambitions to become bloody fish food.

Mother Earth you can be a cruel parent.


I think I’ll repress these memories.



Happy fat children


The sun, started a sunflower equivalent

that’s energy services

always saturated in great colours,

cooking naturally.

Potatoes ready for the harvest,

great tasting, muddy. Farmers know best.

The individual potato a seed may be

and we, the very fibre of seed.


Send us your best Sunday.

Walkers pack logo bag before them,

the sun rains a dry flavour,

as if the sun were dissatisfied

worked not, weather cool and crisp.

The children with requirements

of daily sugar snack wrappers

and sold packaged fat, packets of oil,

per flavour per multipack

purchased from the department store.


“Crisps crisps crisps!”

Lower in fibre, high in oil salted fat.

“Not that flavour!” Sure, which ever!

Pack a daily bag, visit your daily place.

So this multipack… contains lots of salt,

but over our guidelines? No.


Is this it? Generations of adults, women,

limited to enjoy nutritional food,

naturally good, ingredients of seed.

They cook calories with salt to make a sale,

artificial vegetarians and coeliacs

suitable for oils, salt

who complains not about lower wheat.


Are your children fat? Tell us why this is.


And calories watch the seed of men,

people each and everyone together affected daily.

Exactly what must we experience

to understand values?



Rectal squelch


A student

struggles university.

Attending lectures, googles glossaries

alien to sex.

A platter of education for the mind, life’s fruit.

A nerved chin,

earplug nerd… Ninny


& I,

Rich, otiose, ogling TV,

chromosome XY

a stud

Google xxx, milf, fanny

Fcuk sometimes.

A Lead smoker 

Should I read a course colouring maps... 
or psychology? 


Eat crap, orange tarts

lectures… never!

Why take classes?

first error, a learning ordeal
Fail a class Retake


The church is my pub,

A rye in hand drug party.

If I were a tree


If I were a tree and the world was a forest, what would you be?


I’d be the two lovers that carve their names in your trunk

The morning dew that rests upon your leaves

The thunder and lightning, but only the fork lightning; I like that kind more.

A Hiker, and then I’d wee on you

A woodpecker

A bigger tree than you

A lumberjack

What kind of tree are you? And what kind of forest is this?

I’d be a rock on the ground, that’d be cool.

Dude, you’re not a tree, go see a psychiatrist.


A little spotted skunk scurrying around the woodland floor

A tree hugger

I’d build a tree house in you and call it my home

A talking geranium

An insect stick – it’s a stick that looks like an insect

I would say pecan tree... dunno why, I guess because I love pecans.

Seriously dude, a psychiatrist.


Are we talking about a tropical forest, like the Amazon?

Because I’d be the rain

so that every day at a certain time I could constantly hit you in the face for two hours,

that’ll teach you for writing ‘p o e t r y’… pansy.
But if it's not a rainforest then maybe slime flux (it's a tree rotting bacteria, six years with me and you'll be dead buddy so watch out).


I’d like to be a rock please.


If you were a tree and I was a forest, what would the world be? A bit weird, that’s what.

Halve thy sons

There’s one letter k in the Lord’s Prayer.

Would you believe it? (I would)


There’s going to be no similes in this poem that’s for sure.



Oh, I’ve found another k…


You probably wouldn’t have figured, 


if I hadn’t said.



Vivid Avatars (at the cinema) roamed over father’s three-d time.



Some envy their made-up sands,

and swan to engage wrongness (anafghan Iraq war?) 


Original Text


NYC con



Private grassed areas for the use of horseguards residents only

Strictly no ball games dog exercising or cycling


Cut-out hero


Heavitree road police station
Vehicle access

Do not secure bicycles to the post in front of this door access required at all times


Access strictly for residence & visitors only

No through route parking for unauthorised vehicles



(Photographs of signs I pass on my way to work)

Halve Thy Sons


Our Father who art in heaven

hallowed be thy name

Thy kingdom come

Thy will be done

on earth as it is in heaven

Give us this day our daily bread

and forgive us our trespasses

as we forgive those who trespass against us

and lead us not into temptation

but deliver us from evil

For thine is the kingdom

and the power and the glory

for ever and ever


End tune


One pound

Elizebeth II D G REG F D



The plane went Bang!


Bank of England

I promise to pay the bearer the sum of

twenty pounds


for the govr and compa of the bank of England

E ii R

D.H.F Somerset

chief cashier



twenty pounds bank of englan


William Shakespeare

twenty pounds



(William Shakespeare was the first historical figure to appear on the reverse of the English 20 pound bank note)


Happy fat children


//Start and ready -> started and ray

//sunseed day -> Sunday and seed

//whatever -> what and ever


Walkers Crisps

Walkers ready salted flavour. not for individual sale. Potato crisps

SunSeed naturally lower saturated fat. in multipack bag


Everyone complains, About the weather, But at walkers, Were happy, When it rains

Lots of rain, Produces the best muddy potatoes, And we know that great tasting crisps start with great potatoes.

The people who understand this best are our farmers. We’ve worked with some of them for 3 generations, years of experience mean they know exactly when to harvest to make sure we always get the very best potatoes.

Then we cook them in SunSeed oil which is naturally high in mono-unsaturates and lower in saturates (the ones to watch)

This pack contains () of saturated fat that’s () of your guidelines daily amount and () of salt of your guideline daily amount () than traditional crisp cooking oils

Guidelines daily amounts stated are for adults and children over () years.

So enjoy good potatoes whatever the weather.


This is a pack from a Walkers crisps multipack and must not be sold separately.

Typical nutritional values energy per pack/ protein. men women children

Carbohydrates of which sugars(), Fat of which saturates(), of which mono-unsaturates(), of which polyunsatrates(), fibre() sodium() equivalent as() salt per bag, calories () fat ()

Guidelines daily amounts

Calories(), Fat(), Saturates(), Sugar(), Fibre(), Salt()

Average values for adults and children individual requirements each day may vary

Best before ()


Ready salted flavour crisps ingredients.

Potatoes, sunflower oil. Ready salted flavour, acidity regulator, sodium dicetate, citric acid, flavour enhancers, monosodium glutamate from wheat, disodium ribonucleotide, salt, potassium chloride.

Suitable for vegetarians suitable for coeliacs no artificial colours

If dissatisfied tell us why, where purchased and send the packets and contents together with the multipack wrappers to

Consumer services department

Walkers snack food limited


applies to uk and republic of Ireland only

Your statutory rights are not affected

Visit us at ()


Packaged in a protective atmosphere, store in a cool dry place. Walkers SunSeed and the SunSeed logo are registered trademarks. The Walkers logo is a trademark.

Rectal squelch



Access strictly for residence & visitors only

No through route parking for unauthorised vehicles

Raffles hotel

All rooms fully en suit

With central heating

Colour tv

And tea making

Off street parking


Keep dogs on leads 

Exeter a clean city

Exeter city council

Maximum penalty

Maximum penalty

Clean it up


Private grassed areas for the use of horseguards residents only

Strictly no ball games dog exercising or cycling

Quadrangle horseguards



(Photographs of signs taken on my journey to University and home again)

© Tom Duckworth 2010 

  Site Map